[caption id="attachment_63490" align="aligncenter" width="452"] Photo courtesy of Latina Moms.[/caption]
From the moment my partner and I found out we were going to have a baby, we were elated. There was a lot of fear in the background due to the high risk of miscarriage and just general anxiety, but for the most part, we could not wait for the newest addition to our family. I have always been someone who struggles with her mental health, so I erroneously believed that any type of postpartum depression or baby blues would not affect me any more than what I am accustomed to feeling. In reality, however, the amount of hormonal changes that a woman undergoes throughout her pregnancy and after giving birth are so vast that you simply cannot be prepared for how you feel. Your hair starts falling out, you undergo extraordinary physical changes, and feelings of depression start flooding your mind. All this while figuring out how to care for a baby that relies solely on you for survival. The world isn’t as black and white that everything related to postpartum only affects you. Unfortunately, it also affects your partner. They are the ones that spend the most time with us, so we rely heavily on them.In those few moments of clarity that I have, I can notice just how much I am jeopardizing my partner. My constant complaining is clearly clouding his judgment and affecting his job performance at work. I feel like I need him to help me at all times of the day, and this leaves both him and me overwhelmingly exhausted. My husband loves our baby and me, and I know he would do anything for us to be okay, and for this, I am deeply grateful. However, this cannot leave me utterly oblivious to how this affects him as well. Our partners may not express how they feel because we were the ones to undergo childbirth and the stress and exhaustion of breastfeeding. Still, this does not mean that they don’t feel the effects of our behavior and coping mechanisms. It becomes very easy for them to feel dismissed and neglected when the focus is solely on the mom and the baby. I realized just how negatively my postpartum was affecting my husband when I saw his daily struggle to get to work on time, stressing to financially keep up with all my “retail therapy,” and when he stopped speaking to his friends and stayed up playing video games instead. It is a terrible feeling to see just how much your own postpartum depression can take control of your husband and what is supposed to be a beautiful experience. Remember, it is okay to ask for help from a professional. What matters is that we are aware and have empathy towards one another to overcome this wonderful yet stressful time of our lives together.