Searching the internet for tips or recommendations to date as a single mom is often a daunting and heartbreaking exercise, especially given the amount of information aimed at people who, for one reason or another, are dating a single mom.
“Brutally honest rules for dating a single mom,” “How to date a single mom when her children are unbearable,” “Success tips for dating a single mom,” all arrows seem to indicate that getting emotionally involved with us is quite a feat.
However, few know that we are the real heroines of this story; we, the women who, while juggling our professional and domestic lives, also recognize that we have the right to give and receive affection.
That is why at Latino Moms, we have put together the five fundamental pillars to date as a single mother.
Self-love is NOT a Cliché
How many times have we heard the phrase ‘no one can really love you if you don’t love yourself first’? As cliché as it sounds, this is a fundamental pillar to dating as a single mom.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it,” the Persian poet Rumi used to say. And experience has taught us that there is no way to recognize external love if we do not know its true nature within ourselves.
Although we are an infinite source of love for our little ones, sometimes we feel that the container is empty, and we desperately look for someone who can give us a bit of what we provide every day.
But if we learn to love and accept ourselves, we can avoid toxic relationship patterns and the fatal codependency that comes with them.
Family always comes first
Although it may seem logical, sometimes the pressure to balance our interpersonal relationships can put us in the difficult position of putting our family’s needs on hold and give the green light to those of a new person in our life.
At the end of the day, the family bond is one of the strongest and is the one that will bear the best fruit. And if that person is the right one, he or she will know how to adapt perfectly to our household’s needs
Timing is essential
Dating too early or too late, what is the balance?
Social pressure can tell us, on the one hand, that time is passing, and our supposed “youthful beauty” will run out at some point. On the other hand, internal pressure to do right by our little ones may dissuade us from putting ourselves out there too soon.
The answer is simple and intricate at the same time: the timing of a new romantic relationship depends as much on our emotional stability as it does on external circumstances beyond our control.
That’s why the first pillar of our list is critical. Only when your self-love is sufficient will the pressures disappear.
If you’re a bit like us, you’ll know precisely when to recognize the signs, and your home life will tell you when your little ecosystem is ready to welcome a new arrival.
It goes both ways: Boundaries
If you’ve already landed that person, and you think they’re the right one, it’s time to recognize the usefulness and urgency of setting boundaries. Although they may seem restrictive, these interpersonal frontiers are essential, not only to make the other person understand how far they can go but also to know how far we can let ourselves go.
Many people talk about setting limits for others, but few reflect on the need to set boundaries for ourselves. The secret is always to meet in the middle and understand that respecting limits means recognizing the other person’s individuality, always starting with identifying our own.
True love is a lesson for our little ones!
Once the boundaries are determined, once we have recognized our own and the other person’s love, it is time to embrace love in its purest essence, which comes from acceptance, appreciation, and respect.
And there is no better way to teach our little ones the beauty of the gift of the universe than by example.