Life is unexpected. Eso ya lo sabemos, right? However, being unexpected is sometimes the least of it; it’s the decisions that we must make that will alter your path that can be most nerve-racking.
Yet, it is almost a given to say that we’ve all made a decision that has left us thinking of the ‘what ifs,’ ‘could haves,’ and ‘should haves.’ Perhaps these thoughts are based on the love that “got away,” a job you didn’t get or even making the wrong turn to your destination. Pero those thoughts can be dangerous.
These thoughts are basically telling your subconscious that you chose incorrectly, hence taking you into a mental trip where you lament everything up until that point.
It can be a dark place because these are your inner feelings, and they dictate how to go about in your everyday life. But if you don’t take care of these feelings, you’ll find yourself near a depressive episode in no time.
This is why you have to make a conscious effort to come to terms with your decisions. Otherwise, you’ll be living in the past, which is akin to not living at all.
The following tips will allow you to stay present while allowing you to rid yourself of the ‘could haves’ and ‘should haves.’
Search within
Truly dive into yourself and your thoughts to understand what is bothering you. Was it the outcome or the lack of an outcome? Did you expect a momentous event, or was it the desire for a situation that you would’ve loved to be a part of? Whatever it may be, you need to identify what you want. Once you get to that point, ask yourself why this would’ve even mattered. More often than not, you’ll realize that an ideal situation is a mere fantasy.
Be realistic
Tough love is necessary, especially if it comes from yourself. You need to weigh out all of the factors and understand how realistic your favored outcome would be. Sure, we can dwell on the ‘could haves’ all we want and daydream about the perfection it would be, but would it really be perfect? Or are you allowing your denial of the situation to blind you? Stay in the moment. Don’t lose yourself to a moment that was never yours, to begin with.
Be present
As aforementioned, you must stay in the moment. Replaying a fantasy may make you believe it can be your reality, but that will only harm you and your mental health. Let go of what wasn’t meant to be and focus on searching for what is ultimately yours while being present. This means to continue hanging out with your friends, go to work, and love everything about yourself — even on the days that you don’t feel your best. Just make sure que te tengas paciencia. You deserve it.
Seek help
Sometimes living in a vortex filled with the pain of not getting your way can be devastating. And not everyone can easily squeeze themselves out of that space. This is why you shouldn’t discard seeking help. Talking about your deepest concerns can be freeing. So, talk to someone level-headed such as a friend or a family member. But, as you may already know, talking to a therapist can also do wonders. They help guide you into a better headspace, which is such a great feeling at the end of it all.
Accept it all
Acceptance comes with time. It isn’t something that may happen de un dia para otro, but what you tell yourself will be vital for this step. Allow yourself to recognize the great things that have come from your decision. If something negative has occurred, make sure to think about how much worse it could be. Besides, it’s important to remember that every day comes with a reset option, and it is up to you to use it to its advantage. In other words, and as cliche as it may sound, you have the power to create your destiny.