Image courtesy of Latina Moms.
Have you ever heard the saying “Blood is thicker than water”?
There is deep meaning behind this popular saying, as it implies that your family overweighs any other type of interpersonal relationship you may have. At the end of the day, your blood is what you will always have with you, whereas water is fickle and can quickly dry out.
It is often believed that our family will always be there since we are connected by blood, whereas you cannot expect this loyalty from friends not related to you.
But what happens when the source of most of your pain comes from your blood itself?
Unfortunately, many of us have had at least one toxic family relationship. The toxicity can come from machismo, trauma dumping, not showing true regard for your feelings, and ignoring your boundaries time and time again. There are many ways people in your family can turn toxic, ultimately causing you severe emotional and mental stress.
At this point, breaking up toxic family relationships is okay. We must protect our inner peace and mental health at all costs. Once the emotion of cutting off these family relationships subsides, however, you are left with the question of how to explain it to your little ones. Here are some tips to navigate this difficult conversation.
Wait For Them to Ask
Most of the time, younger children will not notice that you do not have a relationship with certain family members. This will probably start to happen when they start going to school and notice their classmates with grandparents, cousins, uncles, and so forth.
Once they do ask, you should be prepared to have a response for them. Speak to them in a way they can understand and is age-appropriate, and that takes into account their personality. This way, you can have an open and cohesive conversation which ultimately builds trust between you.
Spare Them All Details
You don’t need to babble on for hours about all the negative things this family member did to you. This is completely unnecessary. Simply explain the reason why you decided to break up this family relationship.
Your decision has already been made, so explaining all the details is almost as if you are trying to justify yourself and can confuse your little ones.
Remember, they will one day grow up and be capable of making their own determination regarding certain family members.
Do not allow your experiences to skew their mindset.
Be Honest
Most importantly, please be honest with your children. Do not withhold the truth from them in order to “spare” their feelings. Do not tell your children that an x-family member doesn’t come over because they live in some faraway land.
Be honest. Your children need to be able to trust you. The situation will be so much worse in the future when they realize that you lied to them – a bridge you do not want to cross.
Cutting off family members is an enormous act of self-love and will help your children understand the importance of pursuing happiness and peace.