Image courtesy of Latina Moms.
Do you find yourself going through life with no joy at all? Do you feel an overwhelming sense of boredom, as if your mundane routine is taking over your whole life? You love being a mother, but you miss the old you.
The old you was bold, vivacious, and a thrillseeker. You sought out the pleasures in life and the bedroom. You had the drive to explore not only the world but also yourself and your body.
After becoming a mother, the fire within seems to have dimmed down. The only intimate moments you have are when you wash your husband’s dirty calzoncillos.
It is challenging to balance your identities as a woman and mother, so we sometimes become lost in apathy.
But, no matter how old you or your children may be, you are still full of life. Your life does not end the moment you give birth. Pursuing sex and intimacy should not be placed aside in the name of motherhood. I know this may seem like a daunting task at the beginning, so here are some books you can read to help you get started.
‘Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life’
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This book by Emily Nagoski explains the science behind women’s sexuality. It helps you understand how your intimacy and desire are connected through your anatomy and external factors such as mood, confidence, and body image.
This is a good starting point in rediscovering pleasure. It instructs you on how to focus and allow yourself to feel pleasure instead of focusing on the stress to accomplish a successful sexual encounter.
‘Out of Touch: How To Survive an Intimacy Famine’
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Out of Touch: How To Survive an Intimacy Famine was released this year by Michelle Drouin. I personally liked this book because it takes into account the COVID-19 pandemic and the effects it had on our mental health. Social distancing made us feel anxious about any type of physical proximity, even with our partners.
Drouin explores that intimacy goes far beyond sexual intercourse and the steps we must take to rediscover our bodies to rekindle our intimate relationships.
‘Great Sex for Moms: Ten Steps to Nurturing Passion While Raising Kids’
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After having children, I know most of us place our relationships on the back burner and focus only on our kids. Our lives become so absorbed by nurturing them that we forget to nurture ourselves and our relationships.
This book by Dr. Valerie Davis Raskin provides medically-sound advice on how to rediscover pleasure even while raising kids. She acknowledges that our sex drive diminishes rapidly after giving birth but that we do have the power to overcome this lack of libido.
She teaches us how to leave our mom identity outside of the bedroom, nourish our relationships, and most importantly, ourselves.
‘More Than A Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament’
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Unfortunately, after having children, we are often left with a negative body image of ourselves. We have stretch marks, loose skin, and probably weigh more than we used to. Even if we try not to feel this way because we brought precious life into this world, we are still left feeling insufficient.
As expected, this has consequences on your sexuality because you do not feel comfortable in your own skin. More Than A Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament explores positive body image and how it is more than just thinking you have a good body. It is truly believing that you are beautiful, no matter how you look. If we don’t feel at ease with our bodies, how can you expect to rekindle the flame within you?
‘Is There Really Sex After Kids?: A Mom-to-Mom Chat on Keeping Intimacy Alive’
Image courtesy of Latina Moms.
Is There Really Sex After Kids by Jill Savage is an honest, humorous book about the reality of having sex after having children. Obviously, it becomes more difficult to find time for intimacy when all you hear in the background is ‘We Don’t Talk About Bruno.’ Talk about a buzzkill.
It can become overwhelming, constantly shifting from mom to woman at all times, but Savage uses her knowledge to teach you how to revive your sexual desire and strengthen your relationship in the process. Although this book mentions God, it is not totally overbearing and uses this faith to teach how to reconnect with one another spiritually and intimately.
Amiga, life is too short not to have a relationship with our body. Let’s throw out the stigma of having boring sex lives because of motherhood and rediscover pleasure that ignites all our senses.