Being a mother is difficult. We can all agree on that, right? Pero, mija, no one tells you how difficult it is to keep that flame alive.
After I had my children, my main priority was to become the best mother possible. I read all the books, asked all the questions, and dived deep into blogs talking about gentle parenting and how to navigate being a Latina mom (without perpetuating the generational trauma our culture is used to enduring, of course.) But it proved to be more mentally taxing than I’d like to admit.
However, I’ve found that our love language evolves when we become parents — and there’s nothing wrong with that. This only means that working on that flame (which is so sought after, especially after kids) looks different than before.
This is what I found worked for me while keeping the love alive in my relationship:
Before we swiped right; now we plan
Before becoming one of the best madres out there (humor me, please), spontaneity was so exciting. But that no longer serves as beneficial in our current lives — at least not as we try to tackle the endless to-do lists for our little bosses (los hijos.) Instead, use your to-do list (which I’m hoping you have one in place already) and add time to rekindle the romance. Try to do this once a week. Perhaps insert a heart or winky face next to the day and share it with your partner. Send a calendar invite if you must, but make sure it’s there.
Communicate the change
Before you get ready to schedule some steamy moments with your media naranja, let them know why you’re doing this. I can only imagine how confused they’d be if you share a winky face emoji set for the following Thursday. Besides, by letting them know of your new plans, they, too, will get excited about receiving these weekly notifications. Their eagerness might add to the special event, and revive the love. Don’t you think so?
Don’t skip the pillow talk
No matter how crazy your days might’ve been, a short conversation before dozing off can be valuable. This gives you time to be vulnerable with one another. Also, use this as an opportunity to learn more about each other’s schedules that week. Or a moment to remind each other about how your week is going to look. Doing this will allow the both of you to plan for your special moments properly while considering the other obligations you two might have.
Affection y más
If you’re like me, being cursi has not always been your forte. But tough times call for tough measures. So, be affectionate – with words and physically. Helping each other around the house is another way to show love; just be mindful of each other’s needs and wants in every aspect of your lives.
After incorporating these behaviors and tune-ups in my relationship, I promise you; things got more exciting than before. Try it out, and let me know how it goes for you.