Infidelity: Is It OK To Forgive?

Feb 2, 2016

Discovering that the person you love has been unfaithful is one of the most difficult ordeals a couple can go through. When you’re feeling pain, anger or damaged pride, it can seem absurd to even consider forgiving your partner. Still, this type of situation can put the strength of your relationship to the test. How you handle it can set the tone for your love life for years to come, with this partner or a future one. Once your emotions settle, you’ll start to see things from a different angle. And if you think there is hope for the two of you, you’ll begin the long, difficult process of forgiving infidelity. You should look at the situation carefully, since not all infidelities are the same, and they don’t all make the betrayed person feel the same way.

Forgiving and rebuilding trust will be difficult and take time, but if your relationship is solid, and you and your partner make each other a priority, it’s possible to heal your wounds and move forward. We hope you’ll never have to experience something so unpleasant, but if it happens, here are the biggest “life savers” from experts for your relationship to help you weather the storm and know whether or not you should forgive.

  1. Repair the situation

    The unfaithful partner deserves a second chance if he does everything possible to improve the situation. He should cut off contact with the other person, understand your distrust, understand that your trust has been lost and that it’s his job to win it back. He shouldn’t try to force intimacy back into your relationship, and seeking professional advice is highly recommended.

  2. Honesty and compromise

    If an unfaithful partner is genuinely remorseful, he gains a lot of ground on the path to forgiveness. He should never make the same mistake, since it’s almost impossible to forgive something that happens over and over again. If there’s a repeat offense, that means he was never sorry about the first time and maybe is time to consider parting ways.

  3. Avoid the negative burden

    To forgive, you need to know that you will never forget what happened – and if you decide to forgive, it’ll be your job to avoid holding grudges and looking at your partner negatively in the future. Clarify what happened, take responsibility, and convince yourself not to hold this infidelity against your partner for the rest of your life.

  4. Remember what's at stake

    Your many years of shared feelings, companionship, dreams achieved together, and happy moments are all worth something too! When facing an infidelity, it’s important to step back and let time do the healing so that you don’t make a decision during the first wave of shock and anger that you might later regret.

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