Sex And Intimacy: Facts You Should Not Ignore
You may have been together for years or maybe you’re newlyweds. There is definitely love there, but the spark is… missing. You both may soon realize that you’re in a sexless (or not enough sex) marriage. Problems with intimacy can lead to serious relationship problems between a couple and even in the best of relationships couples can deal with sex-related marriage issues from time to time. A good sex life is an important part of every relationship – so why are there so many conflicts about intimacy between men and women?
It is an age-old question: Do men and women experience sexuality differently? The plain and simple answer is: yes. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, many couples fail to acknowledge these differences, making them less likely to understand how they can be better sexual partners to each other. Men supposedly have stronger sex drives and women are depicted to need candles and romantic music to get in the “mood”, or maybe those are just old stereotypes?
So we wonder, are men and women really that different when it comes to sex and intimacy? Read on to take a deeper look into how men and women differ in matters of the bedroom and how to boost the dwindling intimacy!
Differences In Libido
A number of studies show that a man’s sex drive is not only stronger than a woman’s, but much more straightforward. Men across all cultures reported higher sex drives and less restricted sexual attitudes than women, but women were consistently more variable than men in their sex drives. While it is common knowledge that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire, women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well. “Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context,” says Edward O. Laumann, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago.
So simply put: yes, our libido does differ from our man’s – but that can be a good thing! Working closely with your partner to find a solution for your differing levels of libido will not only meet both of your needs but can also add an exciting boost in the bedroom. Have fun experimenting with toys, movies, etc. to see what gets (and keeps) both of you in the mood.
Finding The Time
You’re both exhausted. Maybe you had a rough day with the kids or you’re stressed out over deadline pressures at work. There are many reasons that married couples reach for the remote instead of their partner at the end of a long day – but if you wait until you’re both full of energy – you may find yourself not having sex for months at a time! While it’s hard to have energy for romance by the time you get everyone to bed and deal with chores, experts say it’s vital for both of you to make time to get in the mood. Sex educator Sadie Allison advises to, “make space and time where you can escape, and get creative. You have to find the time and make a date.”
Get out of the same ol’, same ol’ routine and spice it up a bit! Whether you plan a romantic night in a chic hotel or send the kids to abuela’s for the weekend – there a number of ways to make time for intimacy.
Communication Is Key
Getting comfortable with communicating about sex may translate to benefits in the bedroom — especially if the lines of communication are open during the act. Experts agree that being able to communicate during and after sex is directly linked to higher sexual satisfaction. “The more we communicate, the more our partners learn about what we like and dislike during sex, and they can use that knowledge to cater to our needs”, says sex researcher Elizabeth Babin, Ph.D. “If we stay silent in bed, our partners are left to guess what feels good to us, which might result in a very sexually unsatisfying encounter.”
So how do you get comfortable with dirty talk? Practice, practice, practice! “Sexual communication is a skill that you learn through practice,” says Babin. “The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be communicating with your partner.”
His And Her Needs
There’s an old saying that says, men spell intimacy S-E-X, and women spell it T-A-L-K. So how much do we really differ from the opposite sex when it comes to intimacy? According to experts, in order to feel true intimacy behind closed doors, the majority of ladies need to feel connected to their partner and genuinely loved. We usually want to be held more, kissed more, caressed more, touched more and talked to more. Basically, we want and need reassurance that we’re desired and that our partner enjoys and respects us…in and out of the bedroom.
On the other hand, men can get along without reinforcement and intimacy for long periods of time, making them think the same is true for us. And after getting married, a lot of men only put forth the effort to show what they think is the necessary amount of romance and often fall short in meeting their woman’s intimacy needs. But hold on ladies; it’s not completely their fault! Men are by nature wired as compartmentalized creatures so they don’t always realize that they’re missing the mark with us.
Don’t fight the differences; embrace them instead! Learn to do intimacy-building joint activities which will in turn translate to a closer bond between the sheets. Pursue new interests together, help each other achieve goals, find ways to work closely as a team. The work you do outside of the bedroom will pay off in spades once in it.